Duck Tales

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Duck Tales chronicles the adventures, and misadventures, of the crew of the Quacken...

DUCK TALES and sewage surfing shenanigans (8/13/2018)

Week 20 crew

Merla, 10, halfling ranger

Chadwick the Seventh, 10, giant crab companion

Brom, 10, half-orc barbarian/fighter

Caramip, 9, gnome wizard/cleric

Kalen, 9, elf monk

Falric, 9, halfling paladin/warlock

This week on DUCK TALES...

Shorthand synopsis:

  • Five more Aphlacks were sacrificed while Kalen and Caramip were on the ship.
  • Magical poofs, Wasana and Mr. T become Caramip and Kalen.
  • Lots of looting and Merla goes back for that lockbox. Get all the things.
  • The previous battle alerted nearby Orcs so trouble is coming, the group and Inference escape down the trap door and into the catacombs.
  • Apparently the shaman ritual was to help the Orcs in another part of the world do terrible world-ending stuff and there’s four more towers.
  • Plan: get to the port and free the giants to destroy the towers/cause a distraction while the group kills the main shaman. Buttttt they have to go down the sewers to get there.
  • Caramip flies while holding Falric, Merla rides atop Chadwick, Kalen walks along the ceiling, and Brom just hops in the poop water. They’re attacked by four undead thingies, Caramip drops Falric when attacked then the group makes quick work of them.
  • Continuing down the sewer, water gets faster and faster, there’s a big bad up ahead. Most of the group is able to stop short, Brom (carrying Falric on his shoulders) nabs Caramip from the water after she falls out of the air. Falric gets dropped in the water, again.
  • Fireballs and fun stuff, Caramip and Brom get some strength sucked out of them before the giant muppet shade monster is killed.
  • At the end of the pipe, water is so fast that Brom and Falric fly out towards the water of the port. Huge, hungry catfish-y things in the water are ready to eat them.
  • Caramip saves their butts with a Thunderbolt that electrocutes all the fish but alerts a passing patrol and puts the port on red alert. Brom gets shot in the ass by an arrow on the way down.
  • Merla and Caramip hatch a plan to use Caramip’s Bowl of Water Elemental to summon a water elemental who can make an air pocket under a dead carp and power it so they can use it for cover and transport out into the ocean. It works perfectly.
  • Merla sends word to Geeroy to bring the Quacken to them, takes about two hours.
  • Falric summons Davy Jones-esque ally from the bottom of the ocean to help them free the giants. They barter then pay him gold and a super evil trident to free the giants and give them weapons.
  • While the giants cause a ruckus and random flaming mammoths cause more drama, the group uses windwalking to land on the roof of the main shaman’s tower.

DUCK TALES and oh hey we learned how to be stealthy (8/6/2018)

Week 19 crew

Merla, 10, halfling ranger

Chadwick the Seventh, 10, giant crab companion

Mr. T, 9, human variant wizard

Wasana, 9, human variant druid

Brom, 10, half-orc barbarian/fighter

Falric, 9, halfling paladin/warlock

This week on DUCK TALES...

Shorthand synopsis:

  • The crew use Major Image and Seeming to sail their ship to the port on the orc island, drop off the orc/goblin crew then send the ship away to wait.
  • The goal is to sneak until they can’t sneak anymore and then kill until they can’t kill anymore
  • The city is heavily fortressed and multi-tiered, ballista ring the harbor and imprisoned hill giants man trebuchet
  • The whole crew is made to look like either Orcs or Goblins via Seeming with Chadwick as their battle crab slave.
  • Their imp, Jeffries, has a buddy being kept as a communications slave by an old powerful shaman named Olg. If they can free him, he’ll help take down the Orcs.
  • Mr. T casts sleep on the guards outside the shaman tower and Merla picks the lock so they can get inside. There’s a hidden trap door leading down to the catacombs.
  • Next floor up, the group teams up to gank both sleeping Orcs, Chadwick squishing the second one’s head.
  • Up two floors there’s a lockbox Merla can’t open, the next level has lots of goodies from a potions lab. Floor above, they run into a very dangerous looking Orc named Tor that Falric convinces that they’re friends.
  • Next floor, magic circle that takes a lot of work to get through due to bad luck but then up to the top floor. Two shaman are in the middle of a ritual off to the side from Olg.
  • Olg brings Tor up to fight and no more buddy buddy time. Wasana casts a Maelstrom that contains Olg and Tor for a while and the group takes all four out.

DUCK TALES and TIL about kraken fertility (7/30/2018)

Week 18 crew

Merla, 9, halfling ranger

Chadwick the Seventh, 9, giant crab companion

Mr. T, 8, human variant wizard

Wasana, 8, human variant druid

Brom, 9, half-orc barbarian/fighter

Falric, 8, halfling paladin/warlock

This week on DUCK TALES...

Shorthand synopsis:

  • Construct has to be left behind, Mr. T memorizes a way to get back there later while Falric returns and heal Merla. Kalen and Caramip wander off again.
  • Way down to sub is destroyed, group goes up and finds room full of mirrors, one is a gate and they go through to find the Corvus crew.
  • Corvus crew give Quacken crew a ride on their sub to the flotilla meetup on a waterworld city where decisions are made for the Orc island invasion.
  • While providing support to the rest of the fleet on the water, the Quacken encounters an Orc patrol ship. They plan to use Geeroy's torpedos to take it down and take the captain prisoner for information.
  • Falric is given a spare torpedo to carry on his dolphin mount as backup, Mr. T casts Major Image of a kraken just as the torpedoes hit to make the Orcs think that is what's attacking.
  • Four main torpedoes shot, only two do damage, Falric's backup does nothing but the patrol ship is broken in half and starts sinking.
  • Merla, Chadwick, and Brom engage the crew of the sinking ship while Falric tries to convince the captain to jump in the water, failing.
  • A very real, very amorous kraken shows up and despite the plan to let it copulate with the fake one then Mr. T use the fake one to lead it away, the kraken sticks around.
  • The Quacken crew (mostly Geeroy) rigs up some more torpedoes to take down the kraken.
  • After lots of battling, the kraken is finally taken down with Geeroy's "Kraken Killer" torpedo.
  • Bits of the dead kraken are fed to the Quacken, transforming it. It loses its sails and the backend turns into tentacles. The Quacken gains the ability to form a giant air bubble that allows it to function as a sub.
  • The Orc Captain is collected from the ocean and interrogated for information and the dwarven refugees are going to turn the kraken’s wang into a sword for Brom

DUCK TALES and only cool kids get Gundams (7/23/2018)

Week 17 crew

Merla, 8, halfling ranger

Chadwick the Sixth, 8, giant crab companion

Mr. T, 8, human variant wizard

Brom, 8, half-orc barbarian/fighter

Caramip, 8, gnome wizard/cleric

Kalen, 8, elf monk

This week on DUCK TALES...

We resume our adventure with the crew having just decided that their druid, Wasana, needed to cool off a little back on the Quacken. They send her back to the ship via the submarine and some time later Caramip and Kalen appear at the hatch, a huge grin on the gnome’s face.

“I take it you’re feeling better?” Merla asks as Caramip bounces around the room looking at everything.

“Of course!” Caramip chirps, “It’s practically my birthday! A new sub and now a giant construct… just for me!” She clasps her hands and giggles maniacally.

“This construct won’t be for anyone if we don’t figure out how to pilot it,” Kalen comments sagely. Caramip pouts in his direction then joins Mr. T and Brom in their inspection of the cockpit area.

Brom frowns at one of the six cockpit stations, his headband slightly askew.

“Nope, no idea,” he declares.

“Well obviously,” Mr. T replies with a dull drawl. “This is made for small sized creatures like the Gnomes. One controlling the pedals at the bottom and another controlling the upper portion of the station.”

“I bet I could figure out how to do it by myself,” Merla says looking at the pedals and control panel. Caramip nods in agreement, sure she could do it as well.

“Then we probably only need… five people to control this,” Mr. T responds with a shrug. “Those potions probably help us work together telepathically.”

He walks over to one of the stations and frowns when he sees some of the lights on it are green and some are blinking red with runes written under each. That can’t be good. Caramip climbs into the station for what is probably the captain and sees a large lever near it that appears to be stuck. She grabs a hold and tries to pull on it, the construct feels as if it is trying to move but can’t.

“Bet that part is broken,” she says.

Bored, Brom looks around and sees two hatches on the floor of the room. He opens one and descends a ladder into the dark room below.

“Kinda hard to see down ‘ere,” Brom calls back to the group, climbing back up. Merla tosses her Drift Globe down, the orb missing the barbarian’s head by millimeters as it falls and then stops, floating above the floor. The group looks down the fifteen feet to the room below, it smells musty but there is also a sharp, rusty scent as well.

Caramip hands her duck familiar to Brom (43.0, some eleven odd iterations had been fed to the ship while the gnome was bored and recuperating).

“I’m so sorry for yer miserable existence,” he says, awkwardly petting it before handing it back to Caramip, mildly confused. Before the duck reaches its master, Mr. T randomly firebolts Aphlack.

“What… the… hell, Tol?!” Merla hisses at the wizard as singed duck feathers drift down around them.

He shrugs and follows Brom and Kalen down the ladder to the chamber below. Merla throws her hands up in frustration while Caramip starts summoning a new Aphlack, clearly not bothered in the slightest.

Below, the rest of the construct looks like a modern naval vessel, full of small hallways with bulkheads and low doorways. Two hallways lead off from where the ladder descends, one to the right and one to the left. Brom does a quick eeny meenie miney mo, then goes down the hallway on the left, following it for a ways before it turns to the right. Down this new passage are several doors, Brom walks up to the first and knocks.

It sounds hollow.

He shrugs, walks to the next door, and kicks it open. It opens with a bang to reveal a large room full of machinery nearly ten feet tall with various tubes and gears leading from one section to another. To the left, Brom can clearly see the other door he had knocked on previously.

He pokes around for a minute and then, deciding that there’s nothing to be gained from that room, heads back out into the hallway. Brom approaches the next door, slowing in his step when he sees the mangled nature of it, hanging open but not in the direction the other door had opened. The barbarian quickly backtracks down the hallway to where Kalen and Mr. T are loitering and stops them from heading towards the strange door.

Brom shakes his head when the two ask questions in protest.

“I’m saying it looks like somethin' tore that door off,” he insists in a thick Cockney accent. While Mr. T starts a ritual to Detect Magic, Kalen starts getting a creepy feeling and Brom hears a sound like metal bending and the skittering of small feet.

Following the sound, he turns back around the corner and in the distance at the next turn in the passageway, there’s a pile of rust shavings. That was certainly not supposed to be there.

“Oi, guys,” Brom says to the others as he heads to the ladder. “You should probably stop that ritual.”

Kalen hears the twisting, screeching sound of metal bending approaching his location and swaps out his sword for a bow and arrow. He nocks an arrow, readying himself for whatever is coming his way.

“They’re gonna die down there,” Brom says casually, climbing up the last few rungs back into the control room.

“Who’s they?” Mr. T mutters, having followed him back up.

Kalen, completely alone now, is suddenly surprised by four rust monsters that pour out of the broken door. He fires at them, doing moderate damage before two rush towards him, one climbing up the wall and hangs from the ceiling before his face. The other two, scared off by the arrow, turn the other direction and go down the hallway, disappearing around a corner.

The rust monsters attack, biting Kalen. He switches to one of his magical swords and swings twice, though only landing one of the hits. Using a bit of ki, Kalen taps in to his monk skills and uses flurry of blows. His second hit finds a weak point and suddenly the rust monster before him shakes itself apart and dies.

The remaining rust monster hisses menacingly in his face from where it hangs from the ceiling.

In the cockpit room above, the group can hear combat. Caramip grabs Brom by the breast plate and with surprising strength, pulls him down so their faces are even with each other.

“Don’t you leave my elf down there,” she hisses. The barbarian pulls back out of her grasp and without a word, jumps back down to the floor below, disregarding the ladder. He wasn’t a fan of the frankly murderous look in her eyes.

Landing heavily, Brom throws up his magical shield, rages, then heads towards where Kalen is engaged in battle, based on the amount of noise he can hear. He rushes the remaining rust monster and attacks it. His first swing with his greataxe “Bill” misses, but second hit slices it in half, spilling its rusty guts and gore all over the passage floor.

“Well that’s not a good sign,” Kalen comments after wiping some spare rust monster spray off his face. He nods towards his sword and Brom’s greataxe, both looking slightly corroded after their ordeal.

Feeling left out, Mr. T makes the decision to return to the floor below, hopping on the ladder and sliding down it like a fireman’s pole. He takes a quick glance around before casting an illusion of fresh iron, whatever that is, in the hallway in the opposite direction right on top of the pile of dust, before meeting up with Brom and Kalen.

Within moments of the wizard’s departure, Caramip and Merla start to notice holes forming on the floor of the room. Merla climbs up onto Chadwick’s back just as three rust monsters suddenly chew their way out of the floor, followed by three swarms of maggots.

Caramip’s eyes light up. New maggots for her collection.

“Don’t even think about it,” Merla says to her, keeping an eye on the swarms that are quickly approaching them.

“Oh no,” Caramip says, squinting her eyes to take a closer look at the maggots. “They’re rot grubs, don’t let them touch your skin or they’ll bury in and kill us.”

“Even if they just touch?” Merla shoots back, startled.

“Yep, unless you cauterize the wound within a few seconds,” the gnome responds. “Hope we have some fireballs!” Her words are downed out as the swarms descend upon them.

After a few moments, the group emerges from the swarm. Chadwick and Aphlack are somehow unaffected but Merla and Caramip are covered in wounds, tiny maggots wiggling under their skin and into their flesh. Grimacing in pain, Merla casts Spike Growth on the rust monsters to keep them occupied and not let them pile onto this party of pain.

Geeroy, quiet during all of the commotion, suddenly perks up from the corner of the cockpit. The communicator apparatus in his pocket crackles to life and a grizzled voice comes out.

“Hey… we’re here at your coordinates,” the voice says. “We’re in some sort of elemental maze… where are you guys?” Geeroy looks at the communicator then to where Merla and Caramip are still fighting against the swarm then presses a button to speak.

“Yeah… I’ll have to have them call you back,” he tells the person on the other end.

Caramip attempts to battle back the swarm with Inflict Wounds, killing approximately two thirds of them. Chadwick steps in to help, squishes a swath of them with a quick “click click” of his claws.

In the passageway below, Kalen can hear the battle above. With a quick glance to make sure there’s no more rust monsters nearby, switches to his wooden quarterstaff and rushes back upstairs, brushing by Brom in the process. He comes flying up, swinging his quarterstaff and killing some more of the swarm.

Brom blinks for a moment then hears a very shrill and panicked “burn it, burn it! Get it off!!” from above and springs into action. He downs a Potion of Fire Breathing as he climbs the last few rungs then climbs up, breathing a cone of fire onto the swarms that Caramip is frantically pointing at. The remaining grubs burn to a crisp… but Merla and Caramip are infected.

Not quite as quick as the monk and barbarian, Mr. T returns to the upper floor, Wand of Fireballs ready. Caramip, looking quite singed, shakes her head at him but the other wizard grins and shoots off a fireball towards the rust monsters entrenched in Merla’s thorns.

The non-singed hairs on the back of Caramip’s neck raise. Something bad is about to happen.

The entire room pitches violently beneath their feet. Chadwick simply rides the wave but Kalen and Caramip are knocked to the floor and the rest are thrown into the Spike Growth, including one rust monster that is impaled and dies. The other two rust monsters waste no time, jumping straight up to grab onto the ceiling and skitter out of the hatch. Not long after, eight more rust monsters come rushing up through the hole in the floor that the others had made and also escape out the hatch, not sparing a second glance at the party.

Precariously situated in amongst the thorns with one particularly large one a hairs breadth from her eye, Merla quickly ends the Spike Growth and she, Brom, and Mr. T collapse onto the floor, free from potential injury. The group quickly clamber to their feet and Caramip yells at Geeroy to get on the communicator.

The other side can only hear her screaming in the background for someone with Cure Disease to get there as soon as possible with mild threats mixed in before Geeroy calmly says “…over”.

“If you want your book, you better get down here while we’re still alive!” Merla chimes in.

While Geeroy relays their coordinates to the others over the communicator, Mr. T starts investigating. Kalen checks on Caramip and gives her a Potion of Vitality that cures her of her rot grub affliction.

Merla watches, judges with narrowed eyes. Chadwick absently clicks his claws in annoyance that his ranger is still afflicted.

On the other side of the room, Mr. T walks over to a horizontal control panel in front of a blank wall. He presses a flashing button and the wall changes color before resolving into a view outside the tower’s ruins that shows a massive hangar door that is open, from which comes a massive chain like those that connect to the islands. Out in the distance they can see something moving, just making out the edges of its form as it streaks towards their location. The construct rocks violently again.

Brom is thrown to one side with the hit and quickly jumps up to preemptively close the open hatch leading to the outside. Merla and Chadwick maintain their stance, watching the screen apprehensively, while Caramip slides across the room a few feet. She latches onto Geeroy’s arm to keep from sliding further. Just as Brom secures the hatch, a form can be seen on the screen, it looks like a cross between a dragon and a dinosaur and it’s huge with red eyes full of hatred and a long green snout.

It looks to be about eighty feet or so tall, about the same size as the construct. Not a good sign.

On the screen, the Godzilla like monster looms closer then jumps back, swimming further out in the distance where they can barely see it. Caramip turns to look at Geeroy, her hands still gripping his arm with vice like strength despite her cool expression.

“Call them back,” she instructs him calmly. He quickly pulls up the communicator with his free arm and clicks it on for her to speak. “Houston, we have a problem.”

All they can hear are strangled gurgling noises in response.

“Eh… can you give the communicator to someone else?” Geeroy asks the person on the other end. He waits a few moments then presses the communicator to his shirt and says quietly to the group with a shake of the head, “I don’t think they’re going to help.”

More muffled gurgling noises come from where he has the communicator against his clothes. Geeroy pulls it away for the group to hear a very garbled,

“… fire and rock elementals.”

Around them on the various panels, all of the blinking red lights suddenly turn green.

“Must be because the monsters are gone,” Caramip mutters, releasing Geeroy to go back over to the lever she had been pulling at before. She gives it a yank and this time, things spring into motion, all the systems seem to turn on as hisses of steam travel around the room and various instruments and panels chime to life with a chorus of beeps. Brom wastes no time, quickly retrieving the Potions of Mind Reading and Heroism then distributes them to the rest of the group.

With a grin, Caramip downs both then tosses the empty vials over her shoulder.

“I’ve got an idea,” she says with an odd intensity. “Anyone got any paper?”

Paper is procured from somewhere and the gnome starts shoving it in her mouth.

“So, this is what we’re going to do,” Caramip says, oblivious to the fact that she’s eating paper. She babbles briefly, describing in a very roundabout way that they’re going to fight the creature while everyone else drinks their potions. The gnome retrieves her Gem of Water Elemental from her bag and climbs up to throw it outside the hatch, commanding the summoned water elemental to “go get it” before coming back inside and locking the hatch tightly once more. On the screen inside, the group can see the elemental head into the water towards the Godzilla and a few heads shake a bit, there’s no way that thing is coming back.

“Okay then, I’ll take the ‘ead!” Brom declares to the rest. He strolls over to the central cockpit seat and forces his half-orc body into the way too small seat, barely not smashing it to smithereens.

Caramip spits out the last piece of paper with a shrug and she and Merla climb into the left and right arm seats, respectively, fitting perfectly. The two turn and grin to each other after getting situated, clearly sure of what they’re doing, and fist bump using the constructs arms.


The power level of the construct suddenly fails, the arms starting to fall as the power drops from 20% to only 5%.

“Oops,” the gnome and halfling mutter in sync, exchanging a glance.

“Don’t move,” Brom says quickly and the group stills while he watches the power gauge carefully. It doesn’t recover. Godzilla gets closer in the viewer screen.

“I think… we should move forward--,” Brom says before he is cut off by the communicator blaring to life in Geeroy’s hand.

“The earth symbol is on— Oh please god stop!!”

The construct rocks again from a hit but this time, the damage seems to make its way into the control room as well. A new rune symbol (the one for elemental earth) turns on and there’s an implication of some sort of protection on the next damage they take. The power gauge rises back to 20% but Brom is sure that something else must be done as well.

Kalen and Merla test the various levers at each of their stations, looking for an answer. The wizards communicate through their hive mind that they will need to sacrifice something, either a magical item or some health. Just as Brom and Caramip ready themselves to give up health and an item, respectively, Kalen pipes up,

“Hey Merla, do you still have all those longswords in your quiver?”

Merla grins and jumps out of her seat, pulling +1 longsword after +1 longsword out of her magical quiver of Ehlonna. A small hatch next to each cockpit seat opens up and the distributed longswords are fed into them. As soon as the hilt of the swords disappear, the hatch closes and the pod like area around each seat lights up, the controls coming to life.

“Shame, we could have shoved Aphlack in a tube,” Caramip observes as Merla climbs back into her station. The aforementioned fowl seems to hear her from across the room and flies away from his perch on Geeroy’s head to Chadwick’s more fearsome carapace.

The power level rises to 90% as each member of the group independently investigates their station. It appears that each will be able to take one action and that the elementals are tied to different abilities of the construct with air and fire elementals being most likely to supply weapons.

“Call them back,” Caramip tells Geeroy, who grabs the communicator. “Tell them we need them to turn on either the fire or air elemental thingy.”

The other gnome relays the information and after a moment of what sounds like rough battle, they get a reply.

“Got it.”

“He sounds better,” Geeroy comments casually.

“Everybody ready?!” Brom calls out when the Godzilla approaches close enough for melee. The rest nod seriously in response. “Go go gadget left leg!”

Kalen presses some buttons and pulls a lever, causing the left leg of the construct to kick out. It connects solidly with the knee of the Godzilla. Chadwick skitters back and forth behind them excitedly, cheering the team on with a stomp stomp, click, stomp stomp, click. On top of his shell Aphlack joins in, flap flap quacking along with the crab.

Mr. T spies a location to insert an object and sticks his Wand of Fireballs into his control panel. A new button lights up and he presses it causing a huge fireball to shoot out of the right foot of the construct and hit the Godzilla square in the chest. The creature looks like it’s trying to avoid some of the damage but the fireball burns into the flesh. It unfortunately does less damage than Mr. T would have expected.

The fire elemental rune on the control panels lights up and there are a couple cheers. Brom takes the opportunity to rage and it permeates out through the Potion of Mind Reading to the rest of the group and somehow into the construct itself. Kalen and Mr. T are shocked by the feeling that overcomes them but the female members of the team seem rather unimpressed.

“This feels familiar,” Caramip observes with a shrug to Merla, who nods in agreement.

The ranger presses the fire elemental rune and a laser sword appears in the right hand of the construct. Curious, she pulls back the arm as if to nock and draw an arrow and after a split second, Caramip catches on and has the left arm follow the lead, holding an imaginary bow. In the monitor screen, they can see energy form a shape on the construct’s wrists, one reminiscent of the Bracers of Archery that Merla wears.

“Cool,” Merla says under her breath and releases the laser arrow. It connects, piercing the Godzilla but not fazing him terribly much.

Caramip attempts to Inflict Wounds through the left hand of the construct but the Godzilla dodges then stands back and roars. The sound shakes the construct somewhat and Merla is struck with a flashback to a terrible incident of her childhood. It sends her spiraling into a pit of fear and she curls up in her seat, hands over her ears.

The right arm of the construct falls to the side, limp, just as the creature himself rages. He opens his great maw and bites the construct, latching on tightly and grappling it. With one arm it attempts to claw at the construct but misses in the close quarters. Undeterred, the creature’s tail whips around and hits the construct upside the head with great force, shaking the crew in their seats.

Inside the control room, a section of wall with a skeleton-like image suddenly lights up, showing the damage to the construct at the head and chest. The left foot lights up as well when the Godzilla stomps on it.

Mr. T, clearly annoyed, commands the right foot and attempts to dislodge the giant creature with a kick to its crotch up it appears to do no damage at all.

“Guess he’s got nothing down there,” someone comments.

Grinning, Brom uses the elemental force to draw forth a plasma greataxe.

“I think I’ll call ‘em Billium,” he declares proudly before swinging it and landing a solid hit on the creature. Kalen attempts to channel some of his monk skills into the construct to break the grapple but the creature only seems to clamp down harder.

Caramip inserts her Wand of Web into a control panel and shoots webs out of the constructs left hand. It doesn’t hold the beast but it obscures its vision while he remains clamped down on the construct's shoulder. Merla, getting her wits about her, shakes her fear and casts Healing Spirit inside the cockpit room.

With a deafening roar, the creature opens its mouth wide and sprays a thick black liquid onto the construct.

“That’s going to cause necrosis,” both wizards inform the rest telepathically as they attempt to shake the Godzilla off. The attempts are futile and the entire construct shudders as if it’s going to shake apart. On the wall, the whole diagram of the construct starts to flash an angry red from the massive amount of damage.

Luckily the creature misses its next attack and the group breathes a short sigh of relief as smoke and steam fills the room, their control panels not working well. Through the foggy air, they suddenly see all four elemental runes light up particularly bright… almost too bright, as if they’re overcharged.

Their barbarian with his headband now perched properly on his head communicates to the rest that the water rune probably is healing.

Which they need.


Caramip eagerly slaps her small hand down on the rune to activate it. Water rushes down the outside of the construct, slightly shimmering as it goes over the viewer to the outside. The alarms that had been a cacophony in the control room quiet and then disappear as the smoke and steam mixture thins.

Mr. T, finally able to see and hear properly, activates the air elemental and a huge amount of lightning arcs out of the core and straight into the monster, essentially tazing it. It lets go and the others waste no time, Brom using the fire elemental greataxe “Billium” to smash the creature back followed by a flurry of kicks thanks to Kalen, then Merla hits it with it with another plasma arrow.

The Godzilla catches a break, reaching out and grabbing a hold of the construct. Necrotic damage seeps through the very walls of the metal construct, injuring even the crew inside. Merla somehow manages to dodge much of the black ooze but is still injured a bit. Capitalizing on the moment, it pushes the construct over but falls atop it, punching at the submerged machine.

“This looks really bad, guys,” Merla says.

“Better do our special attack then, eh?!” Brom replies with a grin. The group look at each other then nod seriously. Like something out an anime, the group break out into a slight routine then each snap into a special pose. Mr. T’s looks a little bit more like something from Riverdance…

But that’s beside the point.

Somehow, these fancy moves trigger something in the construct and all of the power bars and lights get brighter and brighter, oversaturating the room with light. A huge amount of blinding light shines out from the cockpit and after a moment, things dim enough for the crew to see a massive ball of energy hit the monster looming above them. It hits, pushing the Godzilla up and off the construct and then into the stalagtites in the hanger ceiling, crushing it there into a paste. Slowly the lights dim, the power bar dips down into the 5% range again, and its clear that the construct can’t really move.




There’s a chorus of cheers as the crew leaps from their seats, Brom slightly crushing his in the process of extricating himself. Their celebration is cut short by the water that starts pouring in from various vents as the power in the construct is too weak to maintain any barriers against the water it is submerged in.

“Brace yerselves, we’re about to get really wet,” Brom says, walking over to the hatch. He attempts to pull it open but is knocked off his feet from the water coming in. The others come to help but aren’t able to get purchase against the floor. Chadwick the Seventh comes to the rescue and with one large pincer, yanks the door open, allowing water to come rushing inside. After letting it fill the room for a moment, he collects the beaten up crew in a daisy chain of people and swims them up and out of the construct into air-filled portion of the cavern.

Floating at the surface, they look at the wreckage of the construct with dismay. So much for their cool new toy.

A large glob of Godzilla ooze drips down onto to Mr. T’s head with a splat.

DUCK TALES and the problem with margarita machines (7/16/2018)

Week 16 crew

Merla, 8, halfling ranger

Chadwick the Sixth, 8, giant crab companion

Wasana, 8, human variant druid

Mr. T, 8, human variant wizard

Brom, 8, half-orc barbarian/fighter

This week on DUCK TALES...

We find our group back on the Elven island, restocking their supplies. Of the original ring of islands that were connected to the now fallen tower, only the magma covered one remains to be explored. The crew of the Quacken make note to return to it when they have more items and spells to protect them firey deaths and choose to wait for Geeroy, who is expected imminently.

Wasana has been feeding rocks from each island to the Quacken out of experimental curiosity but there has yet to be any obvious change. Given the reaction of the blue and red crystalline rocks to each other as discovered by Brom previously, she hesitates before feeding a blue one to the ship to ask Brom’s advice. The now sagely, and very stylish in his headband, Brom indicates that feeding the rocks to the ship probably helps the celestial ship better adapt to its surroundings. While they debate the benefits and then feed the ship both red and blue rocks, Chadwick takes the opportunity to make a snack out of Aphlack.

One of the Elven refugees shouts that something can be seen on the horizon. The group makes their way to the shore to watch the craft approaching them at incredible speed, two huge bulging black eyes visible above the water. In no time at all, the craft pulls up alongside where the Quacken is moored on the shoreline and stops, rocking the ship and sending a sizeable wake towards the group. Brom watches with great interest as out pops Geeroy Tinkins from one of the eyes that functions as a hatch.

The sub that they had brought to that other Elven island had been fully refitted, even beyond what they had hoped. The submarine still had its Tinker Gnome bones but was now outfitted in full Elven glory. Geeroy looks around curiously, clearly searching for someone.

“Where’s the Captain?” the Gnome asks with a frown. Merla takes a step forward and motions towards the Quacken.

“Below, some strange illness from these islands has her laid low,” she says, “I’m the Captain now.”

“Hello, Captain!” the Gnome replies with a mock salute. “Geeroy Tinkins reporting for duty on Subby McSubface! Would you like to come aboard and inspect your craft?”

There’s a quick scramble as the party quickly makes their way to the sub and down into the hatch, eager to see the changes. The work that had been done is amazing, somehow there is twice as much room inside. The bicycle-like contraptions that used to power the sub are now gone and all the work to power and move the ship is provided by elementals. Air elementals working to keep the air inside and assisting the fire elementals in propulsion while water elementals control the direction of travel. Geeroy grins at the awed faces of the crew with pride.

“Needs a Chief of Boat that has arcane ability to run it,” he informs them. “Elementals won’t work for anyone else.”

“Me,” Wasana proclaims with a huge grin. “I’ll be COB.”

“Chief Wasana,” Geeroy replies with a salute. “You have the conn.”

The new and improved Subby McSubface now looks a bit like the Millennium Falcon with turrets (requiring martial skill) on top and bottom. The cockpit, or conn, was in the middle of the ship and the two large eyeball shapes on top are an exit hatch and a turret, respectively. The ballista that fire from the turrets also function as harpoons underwater, according to Geeroy.

Now able to investigate the tower previously sunk by Oberheim, the group, or what remained of them, made ready the sub to travel. Caramip, as previously mentioned, and Kalen were both still ill and in quarantine on the Quacken but Falric was missing as well. He had disappeared sometime in the night, his boots found near the bow of the ship. Merla told the rest of the group not to worry; this was just a thing he did, even as a child. He would turn up eventually. Chadwick remains on board the ship, piloting it along the surface of the water with a series of claw clicks that evidently the unseen servants understood.

Geeroy sits off to one side, playing with a gamepad of some sort as Wasana commands her elemental crew from the conn. The water gets murkier and murkier as they make their way before it begins to clear again as they come upon the tower which looks to have collapsed in on itself. There is a myriad of smaller openings but only one that looks large enough for the sub to enter. Wasana pilots them carefully through the opening and up into an air pocket inside the tower. Mr. T summons his dolphin familiar to investigate outside of the sub before they disembark. It swims back outside the tower and returns a few minutes later, having only detected a small amount of movement inside the ruins and unable to tell what it is amongst the multitude of rubble. Merla comments that she can only tell that there’s one elemental and three humanoids in the structure somewhere.

Satisfied about the relative safety in the space, Wasana commands the sub to surface and several drift globes automatically detach from the ship and fill the dark cavern with light. Merla sends a message to Chadwick, telling him to come down the anchor line and join them. In no time at all, the giant crab appears and climbs out of the water near the sub.

“We spared no expense,” Geeroy says proudly when he sees Mr. T’s impressed expression at the drift globes.

The hatch eyeball opens, allowing the crew to climb out into the room. The floor is rough with rubble from what used to be a very nice tower, adorned with marble and gold. The group can easily see two exits accessible from their location, one on either side of the cavern, with airflow coming in from one and going out through the other. Mr. T takes a moment to scout the room, looking for anything valuable or arcane and shouts when he sees a bit of another submarine that’s buried under rubble, clearly pinned.

Eager to see what is inside the other sub, Mr. T misty steps inside it. This one is much different than Subby McSubface, much more rough and mechanical and clearly human built. Despite the darkness, he’s able to see enough to make his way to some sort of bridge with a door at the back. It takes a fair amount of effort to open the dented and warped door but it opens with a groan, leading to some stairs down and then what looks to be light coming from a room at the far end. The wizard makes his way over to the room and discovers a large crystalline tube at the center, inside of it are a red and blue orb orbiting each other and occasionally emitting sparks.

Realizing it will take hours to record all the information about the room required to recreate it, he searches around the room and figures out how to turn it off. Mr. T misty steps back out of the sub to describe the situation to the rest of the group, describing it to them. He explains to the rest that he wants to record everything then try to remove the crystal structure, though it will probably take hours.

With a collective round of shrugs in agreement, Mr. T heads back inside to document everything. After four hours of intense work, he snaps his logbook shut and goes through the motions to shut down the machine. The two orbs suddenly are sucked into a small compartment floating in the middle of the tube then it disengages and the compartment falls to the floor. Mr. T grabs the battery-like object from the ground and misty steps back out. There is a quick discussion about whether or not to feed it to the ship ends with the conclusion that if they place the battery in the circle of power, the Quacken will know what to do with it.

While the wizard was on his mission inside the other sub, Wasana and Brom had been busy digging through the rubble, the druid wild shaped into a giant ape. They scrounged from the ruins a sizeable pile of gold bits worth approximately 120 gold pieces. Unfortunately the water level in the cavern had also risen about three feet in the few hours that had passed. Realizing that their time for exploration was running short, Geeroy takes a deep breath through his nose, smelling the air.

“There’s treasure,” he declares, pointing to the exit on the left side of the room which had the breeze coming out of it. “Down there.”

A little uneasy about heading further down into the rubble but aware that that section would be lost to the seawater first, the group makes their way down with Brom leading, followed by Mr. T with his wand outstretched. It’s a treacherous journey, crawling for some of the distance, even on their bellies, before it widens out into a small chamber that is mostly caved in. They stop for a moment to catch their breath, the way towards the treasure now looks to go underwater.

Brom sticks his head underwater to view the path ahead, squinting his eyes in the dark and murky water. He returns upright and informs the group that the tunnel goes down into the water but then back up again after about ten feet. Wasana pulls out a drift globe to light their way and the group one by one makes the uncomfortable journey through the tunnel and back out. The room they step into is half caved in but the other half looks to be the relatively okay remains of a great library.

Mr. T grins in anticipation and dons his Robe of Eyes to help him search for rare or special books. The others search the room as well, looking for anything useful. After several minutes of searching, they collect their treasures and bring them to the center of the room to compare. There are five rare books, six rare items, a four rare weapons Brom had found mounted on the wall. Before they can look at any items too closely, a strange crackling sound is heard coming from Geeroy’s pocket.

“Ope, that’d be me,” the Gnome mutters, pulling a kind of strange communicator out of his pocket that looked to be a combination of Gnomish and Elvish origins along with some strange magic. The crackling, scratching noise evened out a little and suddenly a new voice is heard (albeit slightly garbled) in the room. “Ahoy Quacken, Xuradra here,” came the voice of the Corvus’ Captain. “We have news, over!”

“Quacken here,” Wasana answers. “Go ahead, over.”

“We’ve found the home base of the Red Hand Orcs and are looking for a little help taking them out, over.”

Wasana’s eyes practically glowed with anger at the name of the Orc group who had killed her whole family.

“We’re in, just say when and where,” the Druid hissed. “Just let us know, over.”

“Glad to hear it, will do, over and out,” Xuradra replied before the communicator died down, leaving them in silence.

“Well… we better finish up in here then…” Brom says awkwardly, a little uncomfortable with Wasana’s overly intense expression. Mr. T nods in agreement and turns back to their collection of items. One book is clearly radiating energy and seemed to be bending space-time around it.

“It’s the Book of the South Wind,” Mr. T says in awe. The rest just shrug, not knowing the significance of this particular book. Brom tilts his head at it quizzically.

“Bet ya shan put that in a Bag of Holding,” the Barbarian comments. Mr. T doesn’t reply but puts the time-space-bending book into his RABOH (regular ass bag of holding) instead. Wasana takes a minute to call back to the Corvus crew through the communication device, letting them know what they found, earning a shriek of excitement then a long string of questions that had to be cut short for a later time.

Deciding that they had found all the items worth finding, the group makes the difficult journey back to the main cavern with the sub. The water was now two feet higher than when they had gone down and, not wasting time with a break, they make their way to the exit on the right.

“What’s that you’re playing with?” Merla asks Brom as they trek through a section of rubble, eyeing the ring Brom kept playing with on his finger.

“Dunno,” he shrugs. “Foun’ it one night in ma pocket. Looks to do somethin’ interesting.”

“That sounds ominous,” the ranger replies, thinking the designs on the odd ring reminded her of a particular trans-dimensional “friend” they had made the last time they were in this particular tower.

Definitely ominous.

They come into a new room, the floor broken and uneven and the remains of great tapestries either hanging in shreds on the wall or fallen to the ground. A horrible smell permeates the space from something Wasana thinks is undead… or a construct.

Suddenly three flesh golems come through the wall on the far side of the room, heading straight for the crew. Merla marks one with Hunter’s Mark before hitting it with two arrows while Chadwick moves up. Wasana, pleased to finally get the chance to use her Bag of Tricks, pulls out a small fuzzy object and throws it at the trolls. It transforms into a lion that leaps up and tears the arm off of the tanner looking golem. Brom grabs his new shield and downs a Potion of Cloud Giant Strength, sitting on his ass for a bit while it takes effect.

Mr. T pulls out his wand and drops a fireball on two of the golems, doing massive damage to each. There’s a wicked cackle heard from one of the packs and Jeffries, their imp, jumps loose sending off magic missiles at the blue one, hitting him dead on. The crew look at him in surprise, shocked that he would come to their aid but aren’t about to argue right now.

Chadwick becomes the target of both the brown and blue golems, taking catastrophic damage. His carapace is crushed under their fleshy fists, killing him.

RIP Chadwick the Sixth.

Pissed off, Merla takes two more shots at the brown golem, not doing nearly as much damage as she would like. Wasana takes the opportunity to bring a Tidal Wave down on top of the brown and blue golems, knocking the brown fleshy one prone while the lion continues chewing on the tan one. Brom swings “Bill”, his greataxe, smashing it into the brown golem and doing massive damage in several hits. Jeffries, still out of character for himself, shoots some more Magic Missiles at the blue golem.

Mr. T casts Fireball on the blue and brown golems, knocking the brown golem down, while the tan one kills the Wasana’s lion. The brown golem climbs to his feet and wails on Brom. Merla attempts to shoot the golem but misses and then trips, her second shot hitting Brom, leaving an arrow hanging out of his buttcheek.

“Sorry!” the ranger calls from the ground, quickly summoning a Healing Spirit at his location. “My bad!”

Wasana reaches into her bag of tricks and chooses a new fuzzy object, throwing it at the remaining golems. It transforms into a giant mastiff that growls menacingly at the rotting constructs. The barbarian downs a Potion of Supreme Healing, grinning as he regains all his strength. With a quick flex, the arrow pops out of his nether region and clatters to the floor.

“Round two,” he says in eager anticipation.

Meanwhile, Mr. T fires six charges of Magic Missiles at the brown golem, causing it to explode and spew black fluid that smells of petroleum all over. Merla and Brom see Jeffries wind up for an attack and shout,

“Wait, that’s flam—!”

They’re cut off when the Fireball shot by Jeffries ignites the oil-like substance causing a huge explosion. It knocks Brom to the ground, burning him severely, but also knocks prone the blue golem and unfortunately kills the mastiff.


Merla pops up, casting Hunter’s Mark on the still mobile tan golem and shoots it twice. Wasana casts Tidal Wave on the same golem, only doing a small amount of damage but manages to knock it down. Despite his slightly smoking hair, Brom gets up and attacks the golem doing plenty of damage.

True to form, Mr. T fireballs the two remaining golems and thankfully the flammable fluid is burned up so there are no more surprise extra explosions. Jeffries switches tactics, rushing the blue golem and slices its throat open. Its disgusting innards spill to the floor.

The final golem moves up on Brom, attacking him and nearly downing him. The half-orc grins through the pain, his relentless endurance evident. Merla and Wasana one two punch with more arrows and a Tidal Wave while Brom moves up on the last golem. He does a moderate amount of damage but misses his second attack, getting some health back from the Healing Spirit that trails along beside him. Their resident wizard cleans it up, killing the golem with one last Fireball.

The group takes a moment to catch their breath and let the Healing Spirit get them back to full health. When they’re all set, they make their way over to the section of wall from which the newly departed golems had come. It is partly caved in and they can see what looks to be a large circle of black rimmed in metal. It appears part of the tower fell into this section of room and the large circle looks strangely like a large, definitely magical, eyeball.

“Jeffries?” Merla inquires, hoping the imp knows something about whatever they were looking at. Jeffries steps closer, peering at it intensely, then crawls around it, disappearing through a hole in the wall, pops up in another section only to disappear once more before coming back out, stroking his chin thoughtfully.

“This is part of a much larger structure,” he says, pulling a wand out of his Bag of Holding. He points it at the ceiling and a beam cuts through it, removing a chunk. Jeffries climbs up, beckoning the rest to follow him.

The crew climbs up into a new, large chamber where thin waterfalls rain down around the room. They appear to be standing on the head of a large.. no, huge construct of some kind that is powered off. Brom, straightens his Headband of Intellect, then starts searching around the construct. In a stroke of genius or just crazy luck, he finds a hatch on the back of the head along with a post it note on the keypad next to it.

“1701, nice,” the barbarian mutters as he types in the code. The door swings open easily and Brom grins up at the group before ducking inside. Merla unfastens a small silver raven from her lapel and tosses it to the ground, it transforms just as it reaches the ground then the now large black raven comes to rest on the Halfling’s small arm.

“Go to Geeroy, the Gnome with bright gold hair by our sub. Tell him to come up where we are, we found something cool,” Merla instructs the raven. It cocks its head slightly to one side in understanding then flies off, heading back down through the hole Jeffries had cut in the floor.

After about thirty minutes, the Gnome comes rushing into the room followed by the raven. He grins at the head of the construct and quickly goes inside while the raven flies back to Merla, returns to silver figurine form, and is clipped back on her armor. The rest of the group follow Geeroy inside.

“Wow! This is amazing!” Geeroy exclaims, rushing around what looks like to be a control room with space for eight or nine small pilots. “This is exactly what I’ve been looking for! This is what we need to destroy the orcs! It’s a one construct army!”

He stops suddenly, frowns, then looks around once more.

“But there should be at least one thousand Gnomes to construct such a beast of a machine…” Geeroy says slowly, his excitement fading with each word as he steps back out into the room outside the head. “Where are they...?” His gaze stops on the a section of metal grating at his feet, looking beyond it to the large antechamber at the base of the construct. The rest of the crew follow his gaze and there are several gasps and small curses let out.

Far down below them they can see giant cages filled with Gnomes… underwater. Tens of hundreds of Gnomes who had drowned in the time that it took them to come back to the tower and explore it.

Geeroy falls to his knees, his fingers curling into the grates as he cries, eyes red. His normally bright gold hair seems to shift in tone, turning darker.

“…how could this happen?” he whispers incredulously, then reaches out to place his hand into a stream of water falling into the antechamber. Geeroy begins to chant something in a low tone and runes form around the antechamber.

The group exchange shocked and worried looks as power seems to be drawn out of the bodies of the Gnomes, traveling through the waterfall and up into Geeroy’s arm. They make themselves ready to fight their companion if necessary, unsure of his actions, but suddenly, Geeroy’s hair returns to normal and he stands up completely fine.

“What’re you all looking at?” he asks, looking at the group in confusion.

“What was wit’ the chanting and the ruins?” Brom asks tentatively.

“No idea what you’re talking about,” Geeroy replies with a shrug and brushes by him to go back to inspecting the construct’s head.

“Hey Geeroy,” Wasana says slowly, trailing after him. “You do ever have lapses of memory?”

“Oh yeah,” the Gnome scoffs with a grin, looking back at her. “I lost a solid two weeks after I invented a margarita machine when I was refitting yer sub!”

“So.. maybe if you hadn’t made that machine and could have worked faster, we would have gotten here in time to save those Gnomes,” Wasana points out. Geeroy looks like she just punched him in the gut, a single tear threatening to fall.

“Raised by wolves, much?” Merla hisses at her, feeling bad for the Gnome. Geeroy takes a deep breath and presses on, leading them up to explore the remaining chambers in what used to be the upper portion of the tower.

Looking through the holes in the crumbling floor, they can see down to the construct, water nearly up to its knees already. The level directly above the constructs head is strange, orbs circle the room and from them come cables that lead down to the construct. At the center of the room is a chest on a platform, Mr. T opens it and inside are six Potions of Heroism and five Potions of Mind Reading. The vials are clearly there for a reason as both they and the orbs surrounding the room have numbers on them.

“This must be how they did it,” Mr. T says seriously. “The Collector must have used this giant construct to rip off those pieces of islands and attach the chain to them.”

“Well then maybe that’s how we fix this,” Merla responds with a confident grin.

“And then kill all those damn Orcs!” Wasana yells, pumping a fist in the air.

Merla takes a step away from the druid, not liking her crazy eyes.


  • Potion of Hill Giant Strength
  • Arrow of Fey Slaying
  • Brooch of Shielding
  • Amulet of Proof Against Detection and Location
  • Wand of Magic Missiles
  • Gloves of Missile Snaring
  • Chain Mail Armor of Resistance to Fire
  • Sword of Life Stealing
  • Cube of Force
  • Animated Shield
  • Pair of Dimensional Shackles
  • Sword of Vengeance
  • Bracers of Archery

DUCK TALES and........ (7/9/2018)

Week 15 crew

Merla, 8, halfling ranger

Chadwick the Sixth, 8, giant crab companion

Wasana, 8, human variant druid

Mr. T, 8, human variant wizard

Thea, 8, halfling rogue

Brom, 8, half-orc barbarian/fighter

Falric, 8, halfling paladin/warlock

This week on DUCK TALES...

We interrupt this previously scheduled programming to inform you that due to totally foreseen circumstances this program will be temporarily shortened to a quick synopsis of action and will be later be broadcasted in its full glorious form

Shorthand synopsis:

- A wild halfling approaches: new character Thea Quickstep (rogue)

- Crew heads to the blue crystalline island (made of cold, blue rock), two elementals on it

- Falric attempts to communicate with the Elementals at a pond, gets pulled down and dropped into a cave of mushrooms. Group gives up on rescuing him and continues up the sloped island.

- Falric eats random mushrooms, trips out, and walks through some walls

- Group stops at a circle of power and sends Aphlack across, Falric hears the duck then Brom goes down to join him

- Falric has a conversation with the other elemental, turns out this bit of island has been ripped away from the main island and being too far away from the main portal is slowly killing them

- The group agrees to help them get back, Brom steals a rock, Falric finally notices Thea.

- Dwarven refugees brew mushroom ale and group sets off for red crystalline island

- Red crystalline island: hot but safe to walk on, smells like brimstone with ash falling everywhere, only one elemental on the island

- Brom finds another rock and does some weird stuff

- On the island is a giant caldera with a fire elemental trapped with a quickly spinning mirror/portal at the center

- Falric tries to talk to elemental, can’t, so Brom stops the mirror with his bare hands

- Suspicious elemental is suspicious

- Mirror/portal breaks before they can get away, big blast and a lot of damage, elemental is free

- Group fights elemental, Mr. T does a fake out and then banishes it


  • One large red ruby worth 5000G, like the size of a halfling.
  • 800 G in assorted gems
  • Potion of Heroism
  • Three +3 arrows
  • Potion of Supreme Healing
  • Potion of Gaseous Form
  • Hat of Disguise
  • +1 Longsword
  • Pair of Gloves of Thievery
  • Circlet of Blasting
  • Ring of Mind Shielding

DUCK TALES and my dragon is bigger than your dragon (7/2/2018)

Week 14 crew

Merla, 8, halfling ranger

Chadwick the Fifth, 8, giant crab companion

Wasana, 8, human variant druid

Mr. T, 8, human variant wizard

Caramip, 8, gnome wizard/cleric

Aphlack 26.0, duck familiar

Kalen, 8, elf monk

Brom, 8, half-orc barbarian/fighter

Falric, 8, halfling paladin/warlock

This week on DUCK TALES...

We join our party as they look out at the remaining unexplored islands: crystalline islands of either blue or red, a dark island full of wild magic, and a green stone island. Chadwick the Fifth clicks his new claws, testing their strength as he eyes the resident Druid with annoyance. The other main “pet” of the group, Aphlack 26.0 keeps to the rigging, also slightly suspicious of its master who had fed 5 of his brethren to the ship for no clear purpose other than Caramip’s amusement. The group briefly debates before deciding upon the green stone island as their next quarry.

As they approach, they see only sheer cliffs that rise from the sea nearly forty feet in the air above which they can see the tops of various types of trees. Falric glances at his new mount, a giant frog with a saddle, then shrugs, sure he can make the climb. With a fair bit of effort and leaving the frog behind, the entire group makes it to the top of the cliff and scan the large, well-aged forest before them. There are some grassy areas near the cliff edge but otherwise the forest covers the whole isle.

Merla does some initial scouting and is able to determine that there are approximately 200 humanoids on the island that seem to be concentrated towards the center. Falric shouts down to his frog, asking it to swim under the island to see if there’s another entrance. No dice, there’s just more sheer cliffs going well underneath the surface of the water. Peering into the forest, they can see about 180 feet before it’s too dark to see any further and the path ahead seems ominous. Merla flags down a passing porcupine to ask about the humanoids on the island and whether they are like the group. She paraphrases the rough conversation to the rest, the very emotive porcupine having a strong Austrian accent somehow.

“Not like you, only short lizard-like things that eat my people”

Merla asks the porcupine that they have decided is named Arnold whether there’s a village or if all the humanoids are spread out.

“Big village, we don’t go there.”

Any traps?

“All sorts, they catch my momma”

Is there a safe path?

“NO. Nothing is safe.”

Have the humanoids always been there?

“No, came with wizard and his friend. Friend stay but we think the wizard is gone.”

Is there a less dangerous path?


Can you tell us where it is?

“No, I can’t draw”

Can you show us?

“No, it’s realllly dangerous. Gotta go.”

The group turn to look at each other while the porcupine continues along his way. Caramip orders Aphlack to go ahead of the group to detect traps just as Mr. T gets an evil glint in his eye and blasts Arnold with a firebolt.

“Ohhhh noooo, just like my momma!” the porcupine exclaims, in a fashion, before dying. Merla shoots Mr. T a look of exasperation, wondering what is wrong with the Tol's and why they keep murdering innocent animals

Before the group, a rough trail leads into the forest and they let Aphlack waddle along ahead of them. Only twelves minutes into their trek, the duck familiar steps onto a hidden trap and is pulled into the air by a noose around his leg. Mr. T quickly Firebolts the rope, dropping Aphlack back to the ground who pops back up and continues walking. Four minutes later, two large blades fly out from either side of the path and slice Aphlack 26.0 into three pieces. Caramip readies a Firebolt to cook him but Kalen points out that the blades, now lodged in nearby trees, clearly are poisoned and the duck can’t be eaten.

With a pout at the lost meal, Caramip requests a short rest while she summons Aphlack 27.0 before continuing on. Soon, the visibility begins to drop rapidly and they are only able to see eight or nine feet ahead of them. The party soldiers on, a little more slowly now.

Suddenly, Falric is shot by an arrow and paralyzed then a rain of arrows come from the trees above them. Everyone else dodges the torrent as best they can, searching for cover while the padlock remains prone. Through the thick foliage, they can vaguely see numerous Kobolds of various colors (blue, green, and red) on platforms built high onto the trunks. Caramip narrows her eyes and mutters to herself,

“That’s some weird shit, man…”

Wasana gets shot with “a big arrow” and apparently “it hurt”. Only two of the Kobolds are easily visible to everyone and Kalen runs up the tree to take some monk justice out on them, leaving one bloody. Caramip casts Fly on Brom before attempting to hide under Chadwick while arrows ping off his shell. Merla can see a total of eight Kobolds and casts Hunters Mark on one before shooting. One arrow hits its mark but the second ricochets off a tree trunk.

Mr. T takes a moment between volleys of arrows to cast Major Image and a red dragon comes screaming through the forest. Merla comments that she can see the Kobolds making a break for the center of the island, running away by swinging on hanging ropes and scurrying across bridges that connect the platforms.

The party debates whether to use the rope bridges to get to the center of the island while Falric, no longer paralyzed, gets up off the ground. The rope bridges look only strong or large enough to hold small creatures like the Halflings and Gnome, leaving the rest of the group to walk on the ground. Caramip suggests doing the spiral pattern to sweep the island as they make their way to the center but they quickly realize this will take far too long. Brom nods in agreement that they should make a direct route, still levitating off the ground.

Wasana polymorphs into a giant eagle to take a survey of the island, soaring high in the sky. In no time, she starts taking fire from below but manages to get close enough to see the village Arnold told them about at the center of the island with a large black pit in the middle of it. The barrage of arrows aimed at her seem to be coming from the trees surrounding the village with a few managing to hit their mark, injuring her slightly. The number of arrows increase in number and frequency as she dodges through the air, attempting to avoid them. Larger, heavier ballista fly through the air as well, all with a dead eagle painted on the side, clearly designed for taking out random eagles.

The village seems to be made up of families, Kobolds having around forty kids to a litter, and Caramip relays the info that all the different types of Kobolds living together means that there is most likely a dragon at the center of the island controlling them.

Clinging to the underside of Chadwick, she screams to her crew, “There’s Kobolds, we’re leaving!

Everyone looks at each other, considering heading back to the ship but an unfortunate fact dawns on them: dragons are territorial and earlier a group of the Kobolds had seen Mr. T’s red dragon before running right back to where the dragon of the island lives… Great.

Wasana sees something large emerge from the pit, definitely a dragon of some kind, and screeches as she flies back to the group. The rest hear a booming roar come from the distance, followed by the sound of large footsteps. Caramip, hoping for a quick escape, casts Haste on Chadwick.

“Oi!” Brom calls out to the others, having listened close to the timbre of the roar, “Oi, it’s just a kid dragon! We can take it!”

Falric stops mid stride and agrees readily with a nod and a grin.

Caramip sends notice to Wasana via Aphlack telling her to “get her ass back to protect her Captain” before kicking at Chadwick’s carapace and screaming, “kill me, kill me, save them, save them!... WAIT! Kill them, kill them, save me, save me!

The group prepares itself for battle, Falric casting Bless on several members just before the young blue dragon crashes through a stand of trees in front of them. Mr. T and Kalen are knocked prone while Chadwick moves up, the Captain rolling away into the bushes before she enters the fray with him. Merla takes two shots at the dragon, missing both, but Chadwick lands both of his hits, doing massive damage. Caramip, from the safety of the bushes, casts Shatter on the dragon. Brom takes the opportunity to rage and then throw a spear while Falric uses a couple Eldritch Blasts, one hitting.

Useless, Merla misses both shots again but her crab, after missing his first two swipes, hits with his third… only to be eaten whole by the dragon. The ranger simply sighs and hopes they can extract him before he’s digested.

“The dragon just had fast food,” someone comments while Merla groans in annoyance.

Mr. T, in a stroke of bad luck, gets struck by lightning and takes significant damage. The monk moves up, switches to his longbow and does a very small amount of damage. Brom grabs “Bill” the greataxe and swings, smashing the dragon twice before flipping it the bird.

Caramip, in her usual strange fashion, shoves her hand up.. somewhere… on Aphlack 27.0, casting Inflict Wounds on him for a touch attack. The familiar dutifully runs up to the dragon and both winged creatures explode… along with Chadwick.

“No!!!” Merla cries out, falling to her knees. RIP Chadwick the 5th.

Not out of trouble yet, considering the island full of Kobolds, Brom quickly uses “Bill” to cut the head off the dragon in the hopes of intimidating the small creatures. Caramip casts Guidance to improve his skills but the Kobolds are not impressed.

Falric, an occasional savant, points to Mr. T and proclaims that the wizard is really a dragon, giving the Kobolds pause. Mr. T thinks quickly then casts Major Image on top of himself, creating another (full grown as opposed to juvenile, like the blue) red dragon. The Kobolds all stop in their tracks, dropping their weapons to prostrate themselves in front of it. Unfortunately, no one speaks Draconic, so Falric attempts to convince them that this is a silent dragon for whom the padlock speaks. The red dragon looks upon them fearsomely as Falric demands that the Kobolds bring all of their treasure to it within five minutes. Mr. T punctuates the “request” by casting fireball through the dragon’s mouth, terrifying the Kobolds and scattering them.

Three minutes later, they somehow manage to return, dragging a large carpet on the ground that is fully laden with gold and gems while other carry a large chest full of other niceties. The Kobolds prostrate themselves while the red dragon looks over the treasure with a nod. The rest of the party pretend to be underlings of the dragon and quickly shove all the treasure (as well as any usable bits of the slain dragon) into their Bags of Holding.

Through Falric, Mr. T demands a contingent of the Kobold’s strongest soldiers to escort them back through the trap-filled forest. They acquiesce, providing a small, well-armed group that lead them back, to the outer edge of the island, disabling many expertly hidden traps along the way. The Kobolds frequently steal glances back at the dragon, clearly fearful of his wrath, and once allowed to leave, run quickly back to the village without looking back.

Leaving the image of the red dragon on the top of the cliff until they safely descend the face and return to their ship, the group sails away before the Kobolds realize what has happened. They use this opportunity to take a long rest and for Merla and Caramip to bring back their animal friends.

Chadwick the Sixth is a shade darker than before and now sports a new tattoo of a duck-dragon hybrid on his shell. He watches as the group debates which island to visit next, finally settling on the wild magic island. He skitters back and forth on the deck a little nervously, remembering that his previous form had died on another wild magic island due to an over overpowered fireball.

The rest of the group also remembers this as the boat rocks suddenly, fifty yards from the shore of the wild magic island. Caramip sends out Aphlack 28.0 to fly around the island and it reports back about a ring of stones at one side of the island with some sort of mirror-like object at the center of it. The Captain sends him out once more to investigate further… but he never returns.

Merla says that there’s no humanoids or elementals on the island, as best she can tell. With a grin, Caramip casts Fly on Falric and sends him to investigate in the late Aphlack’s stead. The Halfling flies inland then suddenly veers up before slamming to the ground to be dragged along for a bit then picked up and slammed down once more. He lies on the ground, a bit damaged.

Falric looks around the island which appears to be covered in old, black coral that looks razor sharp. He breaks a piece off an outcropping and starts walking back to where the ship is now anchored off the coast. How it will affect the ship... no one knows.

As Falric climbs back on board to show it to the Captain, he can feel the piece vibrating more and more in his hand and holds on tighter. Caramip takes a look at it, comments that it’s pretty, then knocks it out of his hand and off the ship. Before the piece hits the water, it stops mid-air then zooms back to the island.

“It’s reunited with it’s mother,” Falric comments in a sagely tone, causing the others to merely raise an eyebrow at him. The crew disembark, heading as a group across the island other than Kalen, who scouts slightly ahead of the other. Falric rides on his giant frog mount, the amphibian getting smaller and larger, gaining and losing limbs, as it hops along awkwardly.

They eventually reach the circle of stones, which are covered in runes. The “mirror” Aphlack 28.0 reported on seems to have grown out of the ground and is nearly twelve feet tall. The surface of it is jet black with no reflection. Brom, always with the great ideas, suggests they break it but the Captain shoots the idea down. Undeterred and from a safe 120 feet from the object, Brom throws a small rock at the mirror. It goes halfway through, the half that crossed disappearing while the rest slides off the surface. He throws another rock and it simply bounces off.

Caramip moves a little closer to keep within range then sends a newly summoned Aphlack 29.0 into the mirror. He makes it through the surface and Caramip is able to see a blinding, flashing light through his eyes as he suddenly is in a beautiful, grassy vale with a small sea in the distance. Without notice, the shared vision goes dark as he is eaten by something, a set of gleaming teeth being the last thing seen.

The group debates what to do, the Tols, as usual, suggest a Fireball. Falric attempts to push the mirror, but it doesn’t move, before attacking the base. A pretty decent chunk tumbles away from the bottom and Brom says that he believes the mirror could be dislodged from the base and carried. Wasana can tell that this is a great idea somehow.

Caramip takes ten minutes to summon Aphlack 30.0 then sends him through the other side of the mirror. He makes it most of the way, only losing a few tail feathers, and finds himself in a hellscape with canyons of lava and fire, lightning storms overhead. He successfully makes his way back through the mirror again, smelling like sulfur when he returns to wild magic island. Caramip sends him in again and can see brimstone before she loses contact. Falric finds a cauterized duck head on the other side of the mirror and Kalen comments,

“Well… he got ahead in life.”

Falric tosses the head to Chadwick to eat as a snack while Brom marks each side of the mirror so they know which side is safe and which one isn’t. The barbarian wails on the base of the mirror and after two hours of work, manages to dislodge it. Once free, the mirror floats parallel to the ground and they conservatively push it back to the ship with a stick. As they get further from the ring of stones and closer to the ship, it sinks lower and lower before finally dropping to the ground at the edge of the island.

They carefully move the mirror onto a dinghy and move it out past the edge of the wild magic zone. Just to check the functioning, Aphlack 31.0 is sent, flying as fast as he can, into the nice side of the mirror. He makes it partway through, leaving his legs on the ground as another snack for Chadwick. Summoning another familiar, Caramip has Aphlack 32.0 fly through, where it sees a wolf eating the remains of a duck. He looks behind but doesn’t see the mirror portal, just more beautiful forest with tall trees and various wildlife. Aphlack attempts to fly back through the place where the mirror used to be and appears back on the wild magic island, landing on Caramip’s shoulder.

Wasana says it sounds like the druid heaven she briefly visited before this journey and then they send Aphlack 32.0 back through the bad side where it looks like Mordor on a bad day. Caramip has Jeffries, the imp, take a look at the mirror to see if he knows anything about it.

“Looks like you’ve stumbled upon a portal of some kind, one side good and the other side awful... One side looks like where I’m from… I’m sure my home wouldn’t be far.”

They ask him what the bad side looks like.

“That side is horrible, full of elves and animals... ugh.”

The group decide to tow the dinghy and mirror back to the empty troll island and stash it inside the mangrove outcropping. The mossy mat island will become the future home base for the flotilla. For safety, a backing is attached to the mirror by the Dwarves to brace it, keep the bad side closed, and mount it to one of the trees. Wasana carves Druidic runes into the frame with instructions about it in riddle form.

Satisfied, Caramip checks on her previously acquired maggots who are growing steadily inside the cage-boxes the Dwarves have built on the island.


  • Potion of Greater Healing
  • Drift Globe
  • Five +2 Arrows
  • Potion of Gaseous Form
  • Potion of Speed
  • +1 Longsword
  • Headband of Intellect
  • 5000 G
  • Fifty 100G value Gems
  • Quiver of Elhonna

DUCK TALES and why is our Captain so obsessed with maggots (6/25/2018)

Week 13 crew

Merla, 7, halfling ranger

Chadwick the Fourth, 7, giant crab companion

Wasana, 7, human variant druid

Mr. T, 7, human variant wizard

Caramip, 7, gnome wizard/cleric

Aphlack the ???, duck familiar

Kalen, 7, elf monk

Brom, 7, half-orc barbarian/fighter

Falric, 7, halfling paladin/warlock

This week on DUCK TALES...

We rejoin our party as they are standing in the midst of the Trolless’ remains. They collect the loot to be had and return to where their ship is lodged in the mossy mat of the island. They look out at the remaining unexplored islands: crystalline islands of either blue or red, a dark island full of wild magic, a green stone island, and one formed from the upside-down floating corpse of a giant sea creature’s exoskeleton. Still waiting on Geeroy, who is supposedly on the way with their sub, the group returns to their celestial ship. The Dwarves have been making themselves useful while the party was off killing trolls, upgrading the ship with extra shields all around and various other improvements facilitated by a previously unknown Bag of Holding that they have.

Gleefully, Caramip feeds the troll heads they had collected to the boat, hoping for some amazing transformation. There is no obvious change but it’s suspected that the boat has stronger abilities of regeneration. The back of the boat that had previously been destroyed in the battle with The Collector still appears as it did after being repaired, the whole section hewn from darker wood that glows ever so faintly in the dark. Disappointed by the lack of more dramatic change, Caramip takes her frustrations out on her familiar, feeding twelve of his iterations to The Quacken.

Aphlack 19.0 seems slightly uncomfortable on the ship, preferring to remain aloft when possible.

The crew debate the merits of the remaining islands before settling on the idea of visiting the upside down sea creature corpse, sailing that way. Falric informs the group that “islands” of this type are terrible but full of treasure, according to the winds at least. Also that the only way to get on one of these islands is to swim underwater to the air pocket formed underneath.

The corpse is of a giant sea turtle, nearly 40 ft across, something that is apparently fairly common to come across in the sea. As the corpses age, they sink further into the water, making them harder to spot and their treasure more precious and elusive.

As they approach, the group debates how to breach the “island”, some wanting to cut through the shell which evidently takes specially enchanted weapons and would sink the corpse. Despite this, they agree to attempt to retrieve a piece of shell, one way or another, to either attach or feed to their ship.

This particular island is not quite submerged as the ancient ones are, nor is it particularly young, as you can commonly see newer corpse islands with huge trees on them. Falric confidently declares the age of the island to be a ‘7 out of 10’ before reminding the rest that you have to approach from underneath, his Cap of Water Breathing readied. He hops from the boat to the back of the turtle then calls to the group, informing them that he can sense undead (though mostly ambivalent ones) inside the island.

“I recommend not dying on this island,” he says sagely with a nod. His elder adopted sister rolls her eyes at the obvious statement.

The group decides to send the two Halflings ahead, Falric riding his shark mount and Merla with Chadwick the Fourth. The water is putrid and slimy as soon as they descend from the surface but about 80 feet down they can see a dome as well as the neck of the former giant turtle and what remains of its lower jaw. A gentle current flows out through the gullet of the corpse. All four appendages are long gone, lost at the joint where they have been chewed through, leaving four-foot-wide tubes that one could use to enter the body. The four appendage openings are small, only wide enough for them to go one by one, but the mouth opening is wide enough for two.

The siblings return to the surface where things smell even worse than before, methane bubbles popping on the surface around them. They report back to the others what they have found, Falric recommending the largest of the five entrances to use. Well, he tries to, puking from the stench of the rotten isle between phrases. Wasana, having been raised by wolves, seems unphased but balks at the idea of being able to eat the now horrible smelling Chadwick in the future. The crab and shark, surprisingly, are also retching as well, something none of them even knew they could do.

The crew gears up… as much as they can with the awful smell that seems to permeate the air. Below decks, even the Dwarves and Elves can be heard getting ill. With a grimace, they all jump into the water and make their way down to the entrance at the gullet. The remaining bits of neck and jaw are covered in miniature and regular sized crabs, “Mini-wicks”, and Falric grins broadly as he uses Speak with Animals to converse with them. He has a quick conversation with them, asking about the island.

The “Mini-wicks” tell him of the many adventurers that have entered but only one has survived long enough to leave and died shortly after swimming away. There’s a one eyed devil inside, but the Mini-wicks don’t mind, as he provides lots of food after using the adventurers as his own sustenance.

“Are you here as food too?” the Mini-wicks ask the Pad-Lock. He grins easily and replies,

“Don’t worry, we’re the devil’s friends and we’re here to bring him some food”

Falric moves back closer to the group after waving goodbye to his new “friends”, casting Protect from Evil on Kalen then communicates what he has learned. Merla nods along, having roughly understood the conversation. The crew make their way through the gullet of the turtle into it’s interior and step onto dry, albeit squishy, “land”.

The air is very sour, just as oppressive as the water outside, and there’s no light. Mr. T casts Light onto his sunglasses (who even wears sunglasses inside?) filling the thirty foot by thirty foot room with light. They are able to discern three large tubes coming off from this main room along with a couple of empty ocular cavities. The whole place is still. Two of the tubes are merely holes in the floor of the room, a pile of ten pound maggots lie at the bottom of each, squirming around.

“Hey smelly Chadwick that no one wants to eat, go down there and investigate,” someone chimes, earning a dirty look from the ranger and her companion. Falric comments that he can sense a very powerful undead, approximately three stories above them, and attempts to wave at it.

Merla, realizing that Chadwick is safe amongst the other crabs, despite dwarfing most of them, uses a system of ropes to strap herself to the underside of his carapace where she is hidden from view but can still fire arrows. The pair move near the holes in the floor so she can attempt to communicate with the maggots. All she can sense is an insatiable sense of hunger. With a shudder, Merla lets the group know not to get too close to any of them.

Before they get any further, various potions are distributed then Falric starts sneaking forward to the next section, followed closely behind by the others. They see an incline of putrid, bubbling nastiness that leads to a dark hole that smells even worse to one side, another way that leads to more tubes and tunnels, and a pile of pulsating larva to the left. Caramip stops in her tracks, a strange gleam in her eyes and whispers that she wants one of the maggot larvae. Falric points out that the maggots are babies of a larger insect, which makes Caramip grin maniacally. Wasana, curious to see what would happen, grabs a bit of meat from Brom’s Bag of Meat Holding and tosses it towards the pile…


The pile of maggots explodes, filling every inch of a thirty foot radius. The Captain of the group seizes the moment to scoop one maggot up in a bag with a cackle of glee. Chadwick shakes off a handful of maggots who have landed atop his carapace while Merla casts Spike Growth at the center of the swarm, thorny vines and sharp spikes sprouting from the ground to skewer many of the maggots. The swarm of larva attempt to attack the group but they all dodge around the squishy gross bodies, taking no damage. Unable to use his Wand of Fireballs nor illusions in the tight, methane filled space, Mr. T swings his staff as the 'Destroyer of Maggots' and… does almost no damage.

Kalen’s first attack whiffs as he is overcome with nausea but manages a light smack against the swarm on the second. The druid casts Thunder Wave, causing massive damage that makes the swarm look weak AF. Swinging his hammer, Brom squishes a bunch before swinging again to squish the last of the swarm, the lone survivor of the maggots remaining safely double bagged and in Caramip’s possession.

Amongst the squashed maggot guts, they retrieve a small pouch containing a Gem of Brightness from the skeletal remains of a previous adventurer along with the Cloak of Protection it was wearing and the Trident of Fish-Command laying nearby. Distributing the goodies, they troupe off to the next room, ignoring the inclined path for now.

As they walk, Wasana eyes the Trident, her mouth watering at the idea of a fish fry while Brom prattles on with an idea for how to “safely” use fireball, earning a whack on the head from the Captain. Caramip has Wasana take a look at the maggot she “rescued” to see if the druid can identify what insect it will become. Wasana shakes her head at the maggot chewing on a spare troll’s foot, not recognizing it. They come into the next cavern that holds two more large piles of larva. Their resident PadLock casts Moon Beam on one of the piles…


The pile of red-streaked maggots explodes into a sixty foot radius swarm and Kalen is the first to attack, both of his first two attacks hitting critically though doing modest damage. His third attack, though not critical, is much the same. Wasana casts a Thunder Wave on the swarm doing plenty of damage while the Moon Beam continues to fry the maggots with it’s pale light. Caramip grins and scoops up another maggot into a different bag, feeding it a troll foot as well.

The swarm attacks, chewing on Falric and Wasana but Brom dodges their little mouths and takes no damage. Merla and Chadwick move up, both attacking twice, one arrow and one claw snap somehow missing the plethora of maggots surrounding them but it does the trick and the swarm is crushed. Caramip eyes the last swarm, this one is jet black.

Where the first pile had been, two skeletal legs remain, complete with a pair of Elven boots. The rest of the unfortunate adventurers prizes are not far away, though covered in bits of maggots: a Medallion of Thoughts, a rust colored Bag of Tricks, and a violin case with a glowing violin inside. Pleased with their bounty, they look to the last pile and Mr. T elects to not attack but merely provide light with his enchanted sunglasses. Falric moves the Moon Beam into this pile causing it to explode…

Why is no one else sick of maggots everywhere?

Wasana hits the swarm with a massive Thunder Wave, killing them all before Caramip can grab one of the black maggots, much to her disappointment. She hands back the troll foot she had acquired from Brom in preparation and stuffs an empty bag back into her Bag of Holding with a pout. Falric, in a moment of brilliance (literally) moves his Moon Beam back to the previous room to kill the two maggot piles in the holes in the floor.

The group grabs the weapons looted from the black maggot corpses and heads back to the previous room. Retrieving the treasures left in the maggot mush at the bottom of the pits, Kalen dons his newly acquired Slippers of Spider Climbing (tossing Merla his Ring of Jumping) and they make their way over to the inclined section that leads to a dark room. They send Aphlack 19.0 ahead to walk up, his webbed foot landing on a pussy boil on the ground which bursts, burning him to death with the acid inside.

Caramip, unconcerned with the loss of her familiar yet again, casts Ray of Frost, freezing the surface and neutralizing all the potential acid but also making the terrain rough. They decide to take a short rest to heal up everyone who was still injured and allow Caramip to summon Aphlack 20.0.

With everyone finally ready, Kalen uses his slippers to climb up the rough incline, taking him to the third floor. He attaches a grappling hook he had brought with him to a sturdier section of the corpse and tosses the rope down to the rest of the group. As the last of them climbs up the rope and steps onto the third floor, Falric mentions that he senses two entities on the floor. It was the same entity he had thought he sensed before, but they were standing so close together that he couldn’t sense the second until getting closer.

Mr. T’s shades fill the room with light, letting them see the two giant pods that are covered in more pus. Brom covers his mouth in an attempt to dampen the stench and sneaks forward while Falric points at the pods, indicating that the two devilish entities he sensed are inside them. Mr. T, finally having enough room to work, polymorphs into a giant ape and his wife uses her wings to take to the air.

Suddenly, both pods burst open and an undead beholder emerges from each and move towards the center of the room. Caramip shoots an acid arrow at them, hitting them and covering both in some acid. One of the beholders attacks in return, fixing a disintegration beam on Brom who manages to dodge the brunt of it and takes a moderate amount of damage. The other hits him with a beam of fear for a small amount of damage as well.

Ape-T moves towards the greener (color, not nausea level) of the two beholders and smashes him in the necrotic eyeball doing massive damage. Merla calls forth a Healing Spirit centered by Brom and attempts a shot at a beholder but misses completely. The monk and pad-lock move forward to land their own punches and eldritch blasts, respectively.

Wasana casts Confusion to slow the beholders down a bit while Brom moves to flank the more tan beholder. He smashes it with his hammer and the beholder splits open, spraying Brom with pus and acid as it dies. The barbarian looks a bit bloody from the damage but drops his axe named Bill to throw Jimmy and Timmy at the remaining beholder, lodging them in its flesh.

Caramip’s Acid Arrow continues to burn the last beholder while she summons a third level Magic Missile to crash down onto it. The green beholder, in its confusion, turns and runs into the wall before using its paralyzing ray on Falric, who ‘ain’t even bovvered’. Ape-T follows the beholder, smashing him in the eyeball once again and the ranger attempts a shot, doing a small amount of damage.

Kalen, sporting his new shoes, does some parkour acrobatics and walks up onto the wall to get within melee range. Once close enough, he punches straight through its eyeball, killing the beholder in a spectacular spray of acid and pus. After collecting the various loot hidden in the room, including a half eaten skull wearing a Necklace of Fireball and a +3 Javelin hidden under a pod, the group makes their exit from the disgusting mess of an island.

Still gagging from the smell that covers all of them, Caramip sends Aphlack 20.0 back to the inside of the island with a touch attack and a few minutes later, the giant sea turtle corpse explodes in an incredible fashion, sending bits of shell and corpse raining down. Thrilled, the Captain collects whatever shells land on the deck to feed to the ship.

Deeming him “too smelly to be eaten or tolerated”, Wasana grins and tests out her new Necklace of Fireball on the resident giant crab.

RIP Chadwick the Fourth.


DUCK TALES and how it would be really nice if our Wand of Fireball wasn't in Japan right now (6/18/2018)

Week 12 crew

Merla, 7, halfling ranger

Chadwick the Fourth, 7, giant crab companion

Wasana, 7, human variant druid

Caramip, 6, gnome wizard/cleric

Aphlack the ???, duck familiar

Kalen, 6 , elf monk

Brom, 7, half-orc barbarian/fighter

This week on DUCK TALES...

We catch up with the group as they face the decision of what to do now that the tower is destroyed, chains leading from the remaining islands into the sea where it lay crumbled under the waves. Sure of the treasure to be had, the crew of the Quacken make note that they will return to the underwater ruins of the tower to salvage after they retrieve the submarine which remains at the Elven Isle, a two week trip away. A debate arises: retrieve the sub now and return the Elven and Dwarven refugees or start exploring the rest of the chained islands and salvaging treasure before someone else discovers it. They seize upon an idea and use their imp, Jeffries, to contact Geeroy Tinkins and ask him to bring the sub to them. The gnome readily agrees, saying that would be “an honor”... but there are some who cross their fingers and pincers and hope their sub arrives in one piece.

Six islands remain unexplored in the aftermath of the battle with the wizard known as "The Collector": crystalline islands of either blue or red, a dark island full of wild magic, a mossy mat covered in what looks like mushrooms, a green stone island, and one formed from the upside-down floating corpse of a giant sea creature’s exoskeleton. The Quacken sets sail for the mossy mat isle, their refugees safely stowed below for the thirty-minute trip. They land, if it qualifies as landing when on something not quite land, at the relatively flat island which is larger than most of the other isles. The area is sparse other than an outcropping of what appear to be cultivated mangroves at the center of the island, forming a shelter or cave-like shape. Merla, using her skills as a ranger, determines that a dozen humanoids lie in the middle of the mangroves and the group makes their way towards them.

The “land” of the island is more moss than substance, requiring constant movement to keep from sinking into the soft floating mat. It hinders most of the group with the difficulty in crossing but unslowed, Merla and Chadwick the Fourth scout ahead. Caramip and Kalen mimic them, the gnome riding atop the monk’s shoulders, her duck familiar Aphlack the (well, who knows what number it is now) on her head; the trio leading the rest of the group. Suddenly, three of the humanoids break away from the center of the island and begin travelling towards the crew. Merla senses the change, slowing down to rejoin the group, and alerts them that the humanoids seem to be moving underneath the mat towards them. With a stab of his staff into the moss below their feet, Kalen determines that the mat must be relatively thin. Suddenly, Chadwick begins to sink as he is attacked by two trolls who then emerge from the moss below him. A third appears near Wasana, surprising her with a vicious attack that injures her severely. Merla and the giant crab disengage, the ranger calling upon a Healing Spirit, centered at Wasana’s location. Caramip, jumping down from Kalen’s shoulders, casts Healing Word on the druid and moves towards Chadwick. The gnome informs the group that the trolls are able to regenerate and can continue to fight, even after losing parts of their bodies. Kalen illustrates this point by blowing off the arm of one troll, who doesn’t seem the slightest bit perturbed by the sudden loss of limb. It is also pointed out that trolls must be damaged by fire or acid to kill them or they will simply regenerate.

Boy, it would be really helpful if their resident human wizard and holder of the Wand of Fireballs wasn’t in another country at the moment.

The barbarian, Brom, goes into a rage as he moves in front of Wasana, shielding her from further attacks. With one attack he lops off a head and an arm of another troll, who keeps fighting even after a subsequent attack removes a leg and knocks it prone. The partially dismembered troll returns the attack, doing light damage to both Brom and Kalen. Sensing four more trolls approaching them, Merla informs the group as Wasana disengages and moves away from the fray. The ranger hops off her giant crab companion who moves towards Caramip and tosses the gnome onto his carapace. While they make a break for it, Caramip in tow, Merla shoots and damages one troll while Caramip casts Flaming Sphere in the midst of the others. Kalen, also retreating, makes like a bat out of hell and moves far away from the melee. Obsessed with the idea of feeding troll bits to their celestial duck-boat, Caramip implores Brom to collect some of the parts removed from the trolls. He obliges, grabbing a loose troll head and tosses it into his Bag of Meat Holding (hopefully that won’t spoil the rest) while continuing his attack against the trolls. One troll follows after Brom, moving into the blaze of the Flaming Sphere and crumbles from the heat while another attacks him. The barbarian merely laughs at the mild injuries from it and another troll who popped up from the mossy mat like a deadly daisy.

Wasana pauses her run, turning back to the melee to call lightning down upon two of the trolls. Merla makes a lucky shot and does critical damage to one troll, though it remains standing. The gnome, still riding aloft, moves the Flaming Sphere atop the lightning, creating a ball of terrifying elemental force before sending Healing Word towards Brom, who was looking a bit bloody. Kalen, returning to the fray, flanks a troll, and he and Brom deal it some damage.

Suddenly, three additional trolls emerge from below the mossy mat. Brom dodges and moves away, grabbing bits of troll along the way for the Captain’s gross and suspicious request, adding them to the Bag of Meat Holding while the Flaming Sphere behind him burns the trolls. Merla, Chadwick, and Caramip are hit with a surprise attack when a pair of trolls surface from below, the ranger taking the brunt of the damage. The gnome dances around on Chadwick’s shell to dodge, throwing a rude gesture towards the trolls as all three of their attacks miss her. Kalen takes some damage from another troll as he rues returning to help the semi-masochistic barbarian who seems amused by the troll’s attempts to hurt him, only taking minimal damage.

Wasana takes a moment to move her storm of lightning to a more advantageous position while Merla falls back, dodging an attack of opportunity. The ranger and her companion land a couple hits, damaging two trolls and Chadwick’s large pincer grappling one. Merla motions to the Healing Spirit, who drifts towards them to provide some healing. Caramip shifts the Flaming Sphere closer, roasting the troll Chadwick had grappled to a crisp. Merla, noticing the gleam of anticipation in Wasana’s eyes at the chance of Chadwick the Fourth going the way of his previous incarnation, glares at the druid.

Caramip grabs her current Aphlack, shoving Burning Hands… somewhere… and throws it at a troll, causing damage and chunks of the humanoid to fall off. The monk, in a fit of bad luck compounded by the lack of PadLock at the moment, trips and falls prone, his adamantium longsword flung thirty feet away where it starts to sink slowly into the moss. Moving quickly to his feet, he pulls his spare longsword, proceeds to miss an attack against a troll, but manages to run over to retrieve his lost sword.

The barbarian knocks back a potion of growth, yelling “go back to your bridges!” to the trolls as he hulks out. Brulk (Hulk-Brom) attacks them, crushing one of the pre-singed ones, then moves near Chadwick and Co. Merla mentions that she can tell that there is only one humanoid left near the cave/mangrove mound. Five trolls remain in the melee, three of which surround Kalen, attacking and downing him. Some of them move towards Brulk, inadvertently taking flame damage from the sphere still near the group. One of the trolls moves up to attack the ranger, who dodges all three attacks, while Brulk receives a “papercut” from another.

Wasana, seeing the monk on the ground, calls lightning near the trolls by his prone form and partially electrocutes them. Meanwhile, Merla moves back and takes some small damage from a toll before shooting it twice. Chadwick advances on another troll near Brulk, doing massive damage before grappling him. The Healing Spirit, having helped both ranger and crab, moves to Kalen, reviving him. The gnomish wizard swings her flaming sphere in an arc and then back again, burning two trolls, before settling it atop Kalen with a space of safety sculpted out from the inside that’s just big enough to protect but not hurt the monk. Caramip casts Healing Word on him and Kalen, feeling much better, does some monk shit to take revenge on the trolls who had downed him.

Brulk, in a critical move, crushes the troll grappled by Chadwick and moves equidistant between the two trolls by the ranger pair, keeping both within arm’s reach while getting minimal damage in return. The Flaming Sphere continues to burn the three trolls flanking Kalen, roasting one to death and knocking another prone after it attacks the monk, who is once again on the ground. Still wrapped in the flaming sphere with the healing spirit, the monk knows he’ll rise again on his next turn, doomed to keep rising and falling each round a la Dr. Strange’s “negotiations” with Dormamu.

Merla, she and Brulk having taken some damage and her now looking fairly bloody, downs a potion of greater healing she had scrounged from the bottom of her pack. She takes two shots, luckily one of them still hitting even after a slight misfire at first, killing a troll. Chadwick turns to the troll that still remains near him and Brulk, crushing it to death with his claws before moving towards the Healing Spirit/Flaming Sphere/Kalen combo to receive some healing. Swinging the Flaming Sphere out and back again to double toast the last troll, Caramip kills it. She crawls down onto Chadwick’s claw to use Healing Touch on Kalen, while not losing her temporary mount. The Healing Spirit heals those in the party close enough to feel it’s magic then disappears as the Flaming Sphere moves about, burning any remaining bits of troll not collected in the Meat Bag of Holding.

In the distance, a wailing sound can be heard but the group takes a short rest to recuperate before investigating. They head out, Caramip still riding on Chadwick while Brulk carries Wasana, the rest walking for themselves. Approaching the mangrove outcropping, they enter the cave-like structure at the center of the island and see a large, bulbous troll, the largest they’ve ever seen. The Trolless wails in Giant that all of her children have been killed. Merla, understanding her, communicates this to the group, who exchange glances with each other and at the Bag of Meat Holding which definitely had at least one of her children’s heads in it.

The giant Trolless charges at Brulk, who wasstill carrying Wasana, walloping the pair to do massive damage to both and slowing Brulk. Caramip casts another Flaming Sphere, this time at a higher level, behind the Trolless, who unfortunately is only slightly singed. Brulk rages and attacks her, critically hitting both times in back to back attacks. He attacks once more, doing even more damage, a total of 113 points of damage against the Trolless, all with a druid on his back.

Kalen, in another fit of bad luck sans PadLock, trips over his own feet, knocking himself prone and throwing his longsword away… again. Quick to his feet, he hops back up and attacks the Trolless, stunning her in a feat of monk prowess. Wasana attacks her with a flaming scimitar from Brulk’s back before misty stepping behind the barbarian. The gnome, still perched on Chadwick, moves the Flaming Sphere to burn the stunned Trolless before casting Acid Arrows, striking her and covering her in acid that continues to burn for several seconds. Brulk attacks the bloodied Trolless once more, doing a “modest” 92 points of damage and heals himself slightly with Second Wind. Merla, not wanting to miss out, shoots her twice before Chadwick comes in to clean up, doing 99 points of damage with his claws, putting the Trolless out of her misery.

The group looks at each other with huge stupid grins, quite pleased with their destruction of the giant Trolless in only 12 seconds after struggling a bit with her children earlier. Probably would have been easier if Mr. T with his very useful Wand of Fireballs had been there… a whole lot easier.

They each make a note to self: confiscate useful weapons from party members before they go off on side mission in other countries.